I'm sorry

A few days ago I was reading someone else's blog and had to leave a comment on the subject of being sorry. I'm one of the most sorry people you will ever meet. You can check out that blog here.  She's pretty funny, you may get hooked.

Unfortunately, I'm sorry for everything, including taking a moment to tell you what I'm thinking right now. My daughter is way more sorry than I am which leaves our conversations something like this, "Oops, sorry." - "Why are you sorry, I'm sorry." - "But I. . ." you get the idea. We probably waste a total of thirty minutes each day arguing about who's sorriest.

But you will never hear us say, "Sorry 'bout that." or my mom would slap us. This is her pet peeve. It sounds so flippant: like the words are simply being said because they're required but not truly felt in the heart.

I feel bad if someone tells me they're sorry. Like it's my fault they let me down. I don't put a lot of stock in the words. I wanna see actions. Show me you're sorry by cleaning the toilet for me. Show me you mean it by never, ever doing it again.

I don't really know what to say when someone apologizes to me, I guess that's why I respond with a sorry of my own. My little way of saying, "I'm sorry I should have never expected more of you in the first place."

All through my daughter's labor and delivery we played ping-pong with the sorry word. In between contractions she apologized from everything to taking so long to being in pain. I spent the time apologizing for not knowing exactly what she needed before she even did and for the fact she was in pain. I spent a lot of time wishing I could switch places with her and take the pain away. She spent the time wishing she could just pop him out so we could all get some sleep.

Even since being home from the hospital we're driving my husband bonkers. One example of exchanges I have with my daughter is below. Now imagine having that one or one similar several times a day.

"Do you want me to hold the baby?"

"I don't care, you can hold him."

"I don't want to take him away from you if you want him"

"Do you want to hold the baby?"

"It doesn't matter, he's your baby, I can hold him later. I don't want to hog him."

"I'm sorry, you can hold him."

"No, I'm sorry. I think he has a poopy diaper, do you want me to change it?'

"I can change, you don't have to"

"I don't mind, can I change him?"

"Yes. . . I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry."

My husband had to leave for work to get away from us sorry souls. I can imagine how it must sound from the outside but I really don't notice when we're doing it. Seems pretty silly while typing it out but I know that's what we're saying. Hope I didn't waste your time, if I did. . . I'm sorry.

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