inside my head
What in the heck is up with my computer?! There is no reason it should take 6 hours to burn a CD but my computer is giving me fits! UGH! My frustration level is way way up there! I have things I need to do on this stupid thing and have been doing other stuff trying to let it do it’s stupid burning. I have like 6 posts (Jodi, Cathy, Awards, Birds, bird photo tips, Babies, Kids, Depression, Letter C, and some other stuff) in my head and this wasn’t one of them but I needed to rant and vent and wow what a week! I usually figure I’m doing good if I accomplish my goals with one week but I’m two weeks behind! {It really took 6 hours to burn one CD!}
I love LOVE love sharing photos but occasionally I gotta throw in a post about what’s going on in my head. This one’s it, so if you came for photos just scroll down and you’ll find a posse of them.
I don’t think I can totally blame the weather, although we’re predicted more snow (probably nothing that will stick), but I have just had the blahs. You know I’m a chemo angel, well I lost my buddy a couple of weeks ago and I feel lost. I hope they give me a new buddy soon, but I just keep thinking about the one I lost and their family, how hard this must be on the family.
I also send cards to another person being touched by cancer, although not through the program. A lady I’ve never met, but a friend of a friend’s spouse kinda thing. She is doing great! Much better than expected and it’s awesome. She sent me a nice card a few days ago thanking me and hoping someday we’ll get to have lunch. I look forward to that.
I got another card last week from my Aunt (by marriage) that her mom was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and this whole cancer thing really gets me down. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and say, “I give!” Sometimes, I just don’t want anymore tests and want to just keep living like everything’s fine and just forget all about fricking cancer. You know? Honestly, I don’t know what I’ll do if it comes back, I just figure I’ll cross that bridge when it gets here. And it totally burns my butt that even if you have insurance, the bills are so outrageous that if I think I want to prolong my life and go through chemo again or whatever, then I croak, my dear hubby is still stuck paying for those extra years I got out of it. That sucks! I ended up being much more expensive than he probably ever thought I was going to be. I wanna scream, “No fair!”
So these feelings about the cancer thing messes with my exercise routine. I wanna get in shape but there are moments, well, a lot of them actually, that I think, “Why?” Who cares if I’m exercising, it’s not gonna win the battle. Ok, enough pity party.
So, where was I? Ranting, oh yeah. I don’t want to go back to my oncologist. I wanna find a different doctor for my testing but hubby has been so busy I haven’t even had a chance to talk to him about that yet. Don’t you think a regular doctor could do any tests required to make sure things stay at bay?
For those of you with hormone issues, what have you found that helps? I know my hormones have always played a huge part in my moods and I have contemplated trying some herbs, but will they help when I have no ovaries?
My head keeps hurting and I’m afraid I’m working on a sinus infection. It sucks! And when the sun does manage to peek out I feel like a vampire trying to hide from its bright beauty!
Hubby has been gone working a lot lately and I will talk to him about the doctor thing eventually, but for now, the little time he’s had home has been spent celebrating Haden turning 16 years old, playing with the grandson and talking about all sorts of other trivial, household type stuff.
Where do all the hours of the day go?! I never have enough hours to get everything done that I want to get done and honestly there have been a few days here that I have just felt overwhelmed and crummy and spent an hour of the day just laying here. And when I get on my computer, I don’t feel like messing with photos, and it keeps giving me some troubles. I’ll be trying to read blogs and it will start acting goofy and sometimes when I’m commenting I’m not sure they are getting saved, or they end up going twice! Maybe I’m getting senile.
Khristiaan (18 yo) moved out last week. I seem to have a hard time with each one leaving. Yeah, it’s great to see them spread their wings but my nest is getting rather roomy. I spent so many years identifying myself as mom that I’ve been having to figure out who else I am. Khris only moved a little over a mile away, which makes me feel better, but I’m a mom, I worry. And he is following the same path as his older siblings, once they leave you don’t hear from them much for a while. But once they get settled you see them more, hope he follows that part too.
In amongst everything else you may have noticed my “buy photo” link is down right now. I’m looking at another way of doing things. That just seemed a little too impersonal and complicated so give me a few days and I should have it up. Thinking about trying the etsy thing, Whatcha think?
I’m still trying to get a photo of that Canadian train car with the kangaroo logo.
We’ll be making a trip to Missouri next month, and thought we’d have a little vacation along the way but not so sure that’s going to happen. We’ll be photographing a wedding in Missouri and visiting family. I’m really looking forward to see Marissa (my step-daughter), she should be getting pretty big with our grandson - yep, she found out today that it’s a boy. She texted me and said, “You were right, it’s a boy”; she’s due in September.
Then I got some awesome news yesterday. Tristan will be getting a baby brother or sister sometime in December. This one slipped by me, no dreams on it yet, but Britney said she told the baby to shhh until she told me. Now she’s given it permission to send me vibes and hopefully soon we’ll know the sex. So by the end of the year I will be a grandmommy times 3! Well, at least I ended on a happy note.
Bless your heart! I hope you feel better soon. I took a fishing trip
yesterday and feel so much better.
Yes, they have herbs that help with hormones. And yes, it helps if you
don't have ovaries. I just can't think of the name.
Cangrats! On grandmother times 3!!!!
I see that you're a chemo angel. I have spent much time the past few years
in contact with many families who have children with cancer and I know how
much their chemo angels mean to them. I just wanted to say thank you to
someone who is doing something remarkable to help others who are having a
difficult time. It is hard to lose our buddies isn't it!
Big HUGS to you sweetheart!! Congrats again!
I love reading your "ramblings"!
Wave if you drive by STL!!
All the babies coming....too fun!! your other blog will be filled w/ baby
pictures!
{{ hugs }} on the loss of your friend...
I just got an email from my friend who lives in Jeff City that her dad is
passing..they sent him home to die.. cancer got to his bone marrow.. just
made me want to puke.
PS..if you are thinking you want a different doctor..then just DO IT!! It's
your life, your body, your health..you should go to a doctor you want!
OK, LisaMarie, start exercising, it will definitely help with the moods
(depression) you are feeling. Be careful about herbs, some of them will
help, ovaries have nothing to do with their effectiveness. One I would
warn you to stay away from is Black Cohash, depression is one of its side
effects.
Congrats on the 3rd baby! WOW! I am guessing a girl - just because there
hasn't been on in a while, right?
You are doing something wonderful! Bless your heart! I know the feeling of
why insurance costs are outrageous for the people who truly need it, and
not for the ones who don't. And how I hear you on the "NO FAIR!" It just
breaks my heart to hear Josh say he's sick of being a diabetic. BIG HUGS to
you Lisa!
Remember my friend who just had a mastectomy? She's so sick of doctors
already she could just scream. And now that it is over with she now has to
go the route of radiation - no chemo yet - and check for lymphodema and all
these other things. She says every week is taken up with cancer doctors.
And $35,000.00 for the operation? Is America nuts or what?! Luckily she too
has insurance but still had to pay a huge portion of that and then there's
another $3,000.00 to send the breast off for testing. That of course
doesn't include any of the other doctors at all......it breaks my heart!
How can anyone afford to get sick in the States? I'm so thankful I live in
Canada...I'd be in debt forever! Always have been sick and probably always
will be!
Well, I hope you are feeling more cheery now? Babies are always good news,
they bring with them much hope and happiness for the future. I always find
being around babies makes me feel so much better if Im feeling down.
congratulations on being a grandma times three! wonderful blessings to be
thankful for! :)
Oh man, Lisa! You got freakin' tons of stuff going on. My computer has
been goofy lately too. The keys are sticking and it's driving me nuts....I
type out a whole comment, hit enter, and it deletes the whole thing. I
hate that! Etsy is terrific. I had started an account over there about a
year ago, but I have a friend who owns a business in town and her business
has absolutely tripled! She barely opens the doors of her shop anymore.
That's how busy she is with special orders! She tells me the fees are
cheaper than EBay. Congratulations on the whole grandma thing! You do
that so well!! Try Evening Primrose Oil....I find it works real well for a
variety of things...dry skin, mood swings, etc. How's that for a "short"
comment?? LOL
Congratulations on the new grandbabies coming up. My sister is having her
second in September; it's a girl.
So sorry that the blahs have you in their grip right now. And I hope your
computer straightens up soon! Congratulations on the new grandbabies
coming! That is good news!
Wow... miss a day, miss alot! I'm sorry you were feeling blue - I hope
you're feeling better now. Losing people is always hard. Last year when
my cousin and her husband died in that drowning accident, my whole body
went haywire. My brain was saying, "But you haven't seen her in 40 years
up until the previous weekend! Why are you feeling this way?" Meanwhile,
my body couldn't sleep and missed a period, creating even more stress that
we might have an unintended pregnancy going. Nope - just grief. Last year
I learned the power of grief - even grief you don't feel like you're even
entitled to. So I'd say your feelings are pretty normal. And they will
pass. And by all means, if you're not thrilled with your doctor, find
someone else! This person holds your life in his/her hands - and you
should trust that person to do what's right for you.
Hey, thanks for the mention above:o)
Oh! I forgot. If you get as far as Kansas on your trip, I'd love to have
you come by for a visit.
Some days this rift in the hormone transition just about kicks me to the
ground. -- and I don't EVEN have the cancer stuff to worry about as you
have. I just don't know.... what to do?